TWO HUNDRED FIFTEEN…oh Christmas tree

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I was texting my friend Elena yesterday morning and was reminded of the time my step mother had to pull my childhood blankie out of their German Shepards poopy arse. Right in that moment, at the tender age of 12, I went through a right of passage and let go of my constant need to cuddle with blankie. I don’t think I ever picked it up again.

And that’s the moment I knew yesterday, Friday, the 9th of December 2016 was going to be a pretty great day.

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We put up our Christmas tree on Monday. Picked it up from the ground after blowing over on Tuesday and Wednesday followed the trail of ornaments  a l l  t h e  w a y   to the beach. On Thursday, after seeing the tree toppled over on the ground again, Greg had that wild look in his eyes. That famous crazed look always reminds me of Clark Griswold’s “Fixed the newell post honey” look where he uses a chainsaw to remove the end of their banister.

That was Greg on Thursday morning in 42 degree weather donning his breathable cotton boxers with 50% more elasticity in the waistband for all-day comfort and his 10-year-old fleece with broken zipper and elastic peeking out of the waist,  while digging a 2 inch hole in the ground.

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I imagined him in one of those hats Uncle Eddie was wearing when he was emptying out his “shitter”. Of course it would have been perfect if Greg was wearing a white tank top some might call it a “wife beater” shirt but I’m sure that’s not politically correct anymore, so I won’t call it by that non-pc name and we can’t forget the pair of black boots…and the cigar.


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When I think back to the moment on Thursday morning now, I remember it as if he is in fact fully clothed like Uncle Eddie with the wild-eyed look in his eyes as he manically diggs an eternal hole which will hold the Christmas tree in place for the coming weeks. I pity the branch that moves in the wind. If it’s in front of Greg, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear the chainsaw rev up.

There is a heavy mound of sand on the tree’s base. I am still not convinced it will withstand the 40 mile per hour winds that whip through our valley, but maybe I’m wrong.

I am slowly wrapping up my Christmas shopping. I am hoping to have everything completed by Friday of next week so I might enjoy myself and relax a little with the kids in the week of Christmas. It’s going to be so strange having Christmas in the desert on an RV. As always, we will make the best of it!

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Happy weekend. If you get a chance, send a little wish out to the sky that our tree will behave and not meet the deranged eyes of Clark Griswold Greg Spranger.

And dammit, yesterday was the best day!

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I hope your tree looks as insane festive as ours.

Happy Weekend!

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