EIGHTY-SEVEN…tomorrow

When I picked Abby up from School on Friday, I watched her from a distance. I saw her sitting with her friends waiting to be picked up from school. She was giggling, smiling and completely ignoring the announcer who had called her name multiple times. She didn’t have a care in the world. She just existed to be with her friends and take pleasure in the moment. She was absolutely beautiful in that moment. She is a child…and to me, absolutely beautiful always. Youth, innocence, sense of wonder and complete trust is something that should never be taken from a child.

Life is something that should never be taken away from a child.

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I have been reading Facebook pages, watching the news, reading the newspapers, talking with neighbors, friends, Greg all in the hopes to understand why this tragedy happened. The sad thing is, it will never make sense. Twenty children and six adults whose lives were taken in an elementary school. Is this what we have to fear now? Sending our children to elementary school?

I must admit, I believe I am still in the ‘denial’ stage of grief. As stated on Psych Central’s website; Denial and Isolation is the first reaction to learning of {loss…}. To deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain. the emotions that follow are anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.

4 (20 of 1)

 It’s Monday, three days after the massacre in Connecticut. I am scared and angry and most of all I am devastated for those parents. I wonder how they are coping, where they go mentally when the lights go out and all of the friends and family leave and they are there, alone. What makes me even more sad, in a couple of weeks, the fiscal cliff will reveal a new detail, some political force will commit adultery or some other lewd act, another political figure will swindle an entire city/state for personal gain, the President will do something atrocious to some…heroic for others and we will go on with our busy important and seemingly perfect lives. Those parents and family members will still be hurting, trying to find a way to get through the day/cope. It just doesn’t seem fair.

IMG_0658I just keep thinking, “it was an elementary school”. It’s so hard to believe that a tragedy of any magnitude would occur in an elementary school. I feel such an enormous sense of loss…twenty children and six adults (at the school). It’s not only the number – one would have been equally tragic.  I just don’t understand.

So, on Friday, as President Obama addressed the nation and asked us parents to, “hold our children a little tighter, look them in the eyes and tell them I love them, and tried to convey to everyone in this house how much they are appreciated, needed and loved…we did that. We spent the entire weekend soaking up their sweetness. I am hell bent on not taking any moment with my children for granted…because as we found out on Friday, no one is promised tomorrow.

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