I am so tired of finding Christmas tree ornaments strewn about the yard, dangling from the turn switch on a lamp, crammed into the crevice of the seating in our living room and lying broken underneath the couch. Why such destruction? Is it wrong of me, mother of three ages 6 and under, to want nice things? To want my surroundings to be nice, pretty and ‘put-together’?
I spent an hour yesterday touching up crayon marks, thrown food, furniture scraping and other general trauma to our lovely rented walls. I have to say, our rental home looks brand new once again. Just like it did the day we moved in. I haven’t seen the walls look this nice since that fateful day. Phoebe decided the house was way to nice for our family and marked on the breakfast bar wall with a blue crayon. Later we discovered other bright colors on the adjacent walls…she was creating her masterpiece for crying out loud! And for those of you who will ultimately ask the inevitable question, “haven’t you heard of the ‘magic eraser”? Of course I have…but those ‘erasers’ don’t work on contractor painted textured walls! I found that out very quickly. Phoebe also decided her bedroom walls were too pristine and gnawed the paint off the corners of the wall closest to her bed…as well as gnawing on the blinds. My first thought was, “hey maybe my kid has Pica?” (of course I am being my usual jovial self and no offense to those of you who know someone living with Pica) but to be honest Abby did the same thing at that age. It’s a stage…or as a dear friend of mine would say, “it’s good development”. Whatever. A month or two ago I would have laughed and found this to be “typical Phoebe”…but now I find myself tensing up and blaming the frustration on the impending holidays.
I used to love the holidays! Especially with kids because you get to live that naive innocent excitement for the wonder and magic of the holidays through your children. I think I have gotten away from that simple pleasure. I am guilty of trying to keep a clean home, find the perfect gift for everyone, create crafts for the kids and myself in order to get into that holiday spirit, while also keeping to our schedule, putting dinner on the table (thank goodness Greg likes to cook!), keep the kids washed and fed and most importantly ALIVE!!! Are my days of “enjoying the holiday’s” over? Is this what my holidays are going to be about now? “Surviving” the holidays as opposed to “enjoying” the holiday’s? Is my Christmas magic really gone? Now when I sit amongst the Christmas tree at night, with the colorful lights shining in the dark, instead of feeling an overwhelming sense of inspiration and gratitude, I am overwhelmed with thoughts of everything I still have yet to do?
With the holiday season quickly approaching, I find I am loosing my ability to keep my sense of humor about these little things that “create memories” within a family. At this point in my life, I dislike the fact that I identify with Scrooge instead of Bob Cratchit.
I am sure I will wake up tomorrow with a new-found sense of “Holiday Spirit”. I look forward to it. But for now, I am living with the angst of the “impending Holidays”. I am in a Holiday FUNK. My mom is coming this weekend…maybe she can help me rediscover the magic of Christmas!
CRAP, It’s Christmas for crying out loud!!!